Little Things That Are Really Big Things

I live a messy life.  Honestly, though, don't we all?  Sometimes I'm on life's surfboard, staying on top of the waves, keeping my problems under my feet, and out of sight.  

However, those times are not the norm. 

Usually, I feel like I fell off the surfboard and lost it to the sea, and am treading water furiously...just to keep my nose up long enough for air.  Today is definitely a "treading water" day.  I gulp the air (and saltwater, too) and hold my breath while waves toss me around like a piece of driftwood.  

Its just all these little nuisances.  They add up until I can't take another thing.  If you write a series of digits on paper, at first, it's easy to total them up.  As you write more numbers, it gets more complicated and difficult. That's where I am right now.  I'm trying to keep track of a long column of problems, and I need a better calculator.

On the flip side, the little things that make me happy are magnified in my heart.  When they are tallied up, I feel like I have a fresh outlook, and a joy as bright as the sun.  

Yesterday, upon receiving the Holy Eucharist, I closed my eyes and wished I felt...something...anything.  Instead I thought about how my mind had strayed throughout Mass, how I felt fractured and distant, cold and scattered.  But then, for an instant, He spoke.  What a grace, like the moment your senses are greeted with the cool breeze off a lake, or when the smell of a flower flirts with your nose.  

In my soul, He compared His presence with medicine.  

   'When you have a headache, you take a pill, and you notice nothing.  Your head continues to pound, you feel sick, you don't believe the medicine will help.  A few minutes pass, and you still have the headache; this tests your faith--will this painkiller actually do what it is suppposed to do?  Or will it let me down?  Then, gradually, you perceive a small relief, until all the pain subsides.  This is how I work.  You have received ME, you do not feel me, but I am here.  I am working within you, and you will see the evidence gradually.  Have faith.'

What a gracious gift, a morsel of encouragement, to renew my trust in Him.  

After Mass, the congregation was invited to the Church Hall for hospitality.  I almost always have a little coffee before Mass, but was too hurried yesterday to get a cup.  When the announcement was made, I rejoiced internally.  I was happy to know there would be a carafe of hot coffee on, and maybe some donuts or pastries, too.

As I made my way to the basement, walking with friends and family, I noticed the delicious aroma of hot foods.  This piqued my curiosity. 

Awaiting us was a grand buffet of wonderful foods--eggs, sausage, meatballs, fried potatoes, donuts, pizzelles, brownies, coffee and juice.  It was so tasty, and much better than any breakfast we could have bought at a restaurant!  I felt so much appreciation for those who prepared that meal, and for cleaning up afterwards.  Usually, I am the cook and cleaner, so it means so much to me when someone else does this for me.

After Mass, John and I took an afternoon drive with our youngest daughter, and her boyfriend.  He is preparing to be welcomed in the fullness of the Church in two weeks, at the Easter Vigil.  We are all really excited about this.  John and I asked him, during our drive, if he would like to learn how to pray the rosary.  He had been expressing an interest in this for some time, so we were happy to do this.

We drove along the highway, praying with these two, discussing the mysteries of the holy Rosary.  I found it to be beautiful and rewarding, and I think it was very good for all four of us.

As I sit here, at 2:00 pm, still in pajamas, needing to do something, I realize I might be treading water, but at least God gave me an oxygen tank to give me a reprieve when I can't struggle against the tide.